Can't You See It?
It has been two years now since I shared the excitement of making those first unassisted steps. The steps were more like shuffling, but after sitting for 16 years, it WAS still REALLY exciting. Since then, I have also informed you about my discouragement of not understanding why I haven't walked since. But, I continued to press pass my discouragement and keep my focus on all the amazing blessings that God was pouring into my life.
And now today, I am SO EXCITED to tell you that the waiting is over, and I have started walking again. On November 29th, I made 7 unassisted steps, and then on December 3rd, the day of my Ordination, I made another 11 steps. You can just imagine the tears and the emotion that I have been experiencing these past few weeks. But, you're probably thinking, WHY ARE YOU JUST TELLING US NOW? That’s a REALLY good question, and the answer is simple. FEAR! I DIDN'T have any proof, and what if this is only another ONE TIME deal, and I'm left feeling discouraged again? I said to myself, AND GOD, I will not allow my fear to make me doubt you again, and before my mom and dad leave to go back to Newfoundland on December 5th, I will ATTEMPT to walk. However, this time I was going to record my attempt. I NEEDED proof.
SO, on December 5th, with only a few hours before I took my parents to the airport, I said, "Ok, we are going to record my attempt at making these steps, BUT FIRST we are going to read a scripture and pray." And if you know me at all, you know, that I love my promise box. A promise box, is a little box filled with scripture, and the scripture my dad pulled was, "The fear of the Lord leads to life, bringing security and protection from harm." Proverbs 19:23 (NLT)
God was saying, "I GOT YOU."
I will let this video speak for itself, but I will tell you that I DID beat my personal best.
Actually I did this two other times, with the same amount of steps each time. SO, I guess I have to tell you that I actually made more like 60 steps that night.
As I was writing this blog, I started to think about both my spiritual and physical journey, and God reminded me, VAHEN IT HAS NOT been two years since you made steps, it's actually been LESS than ONE YEAR. REMEMBER?? You went "live" on Facebook with Nancy on January 14, 2017, and you told everyone it was a year since you made your unassisted steps?? SO, it's not been TWO YEARS. It's not even been ONE!
Click on the following links if you want to read my blogs from this past year, and watch the videos.
How quickly I had forgotten, because AGAIN, not for lack of trying, I hadn't been able to walk since. I reverted back to doubt and disbelief.
When I received my digestive healing back in February of 2016, I was praying over some ladies in our Monday night bible study. As I was praying for each lady, God spoke into my heart and said, Vahen these prayers of healing are for YOU TOO. Then, that night when I went home, I went to the bathroom on my own, and without medication for the FIRST time in 16 YEARS. And you know what my reaction was? "ONE TIME DOES NOT MEAN A HEALING!"
It took me 3 months to stop journaling about it. WHY? I was afraid that I was going to lose my healing. So I kept journaling, because I wanted to know WHEN it would stop. Well, God convicted me about that, because after 16 years of NOT "going" without medication, ONE TIME IS A HEALING! And He was like, VAHEN, CAN'T YOU SEE IT?
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” John 11:40
Over the course of these two years, my spiritual journey has been MUCH like my physical journey. A challenge at times to keep going, but God has been saying TRUST ME! BELIEVE ME! And all I could think was, "God, Haven't I done enough? And, "It's your turn now." I was working out 3 and 4 times a week, and getting frustrated when travelling for my speaking engagements, because I knew I couldn't keep up with my exercise routine in the midst of my crazy schedule. Thinking, "How am I ever going to walk again if I can't work out everyday?" But, I started trusting God, trusting that He will complete the work that He has begun in my body, and that I will do what I CAN, and trust God to do the rest.
Seeing what God has been doing over this past year, in ALL areas of my life has made me REALLY understand that all my best efforts are NO MATCH for God's strength. I finally gave up control of trying to do it myself. I think it's funny and yet sad really, that I watch these videos of me WALKING, and yet I was STILL NOT seeing/believing it. Why? Fear!
However, today I am choosing to believe God for my COMPLETE healing, and I will press on no matter what it LOOKS LIKE! Because ONE time DOES mean a healing, and I CAN believe God. That's faith!
So how do we fit what we know of Abraham, into this new way of looking at things? If Abraham, by what he did for God, got God to approve him, he could certainly have taken credit for it. But the story we’re given is a God-story, not an Abraham-story. What we read in Scripture is, “Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.”
Romans 4:1-3 MSG
In the same way that I journaled EVERY DAY because I wanted to know the day my healing would end, I now Journal EVERY DAY waiting with expectation for when the healing will be complete. Not because of what I am doing for God, but simply because I believe Him. I am believing that God WILL complete the healing that He has begun. 60 steps, I am PRETTY sure that's the makings of a healing! Don't ya think??
"He did all this so you would never say to yourself, I have achieved this with my own strength and energy."
Deuteronomy 8:17
Dear God,
Here I remind myself what You said over me
Here I remind my soul who You are
You said You won't relent, won't let go, won't forget
Every promise You have whispered to my heart
I'm gonna run and not grow weary
I'm gonna walk and not grow faint
Rise up on wings like eagles to soar
I know in everything You're with me
I know You're working as I wait
Lift me up on wings like eagles to soar
It's Your hand that guides me, Your strength that sustains me, and Your grace that covers me. God is, and will always be- ALL that we need.
Can't you see it?
Before I posted this blog today I read this devotional, and forgive me for this extra long blog, but you'll understand when you read it. I HAD to share...
Hope Is a Necessity!
Have you ever watched a baby learning how to crawl? He rocks back and forth until he can take one small inch forward. Sometimes this process takes a long time, but the baby is determined. He demonstrates perseverance and presses on until he masters the maneuver. Even when things don’t go as he first expects, he doesn’t give up or lose hope.
As people following Jesus, it’s essential to not give up. Hope keeps us moving forward, especially in those moments that don’t go as we expect them to go. That hope doesn’t come from ourselves, but from the Holy Spirit.
Hope isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Hope is a non-negotiable as we follow Jesus in this life. We need hope because without it, we’d give up.
We will face trouble in this world and things won’t always go as planned. Addressing the church in Rome, Paul explained how God uses these times to help shape us: “We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:4).
The more we face struggles in this life, the more our perseverance, character, and hope grows. Like the baby learning to crawl, we must to move forward with the hope that God is using our challenges to prepare us for bigger things to come.
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
Romans 5:1-5 (MSG)
OK GOD! I CAN SEE IT!
